Sunday, August 23, 2009

Subject: HUGE NEWS FLASH...Cash For Codgers Program IN MY EMAIL:

Democrats, realizing the success of the President's "Cash For Clunkers"
rebate program, have revamped a major portion of their National Health Care

President Obama, Speaker Pelosi, and Sen. Reed are expected to make this
major announcement at a joint news conference later this week. I have
obtained an advanced copy of the proposal which is named....

"CASH FOR CODGERS" and it works like this... Couples wishing to access
health care funds in order to pay for the delivery of a child will be
required to turn in one old person. The amount the government grants them
will be fixed according to a sliding scale. Older and more prescription
dependent codgers will garner the highest amounts.

Special "Bonuses" will be paid for those submitting codgers in targeted
groups, such as smokers, alcohol drinkers, persons 10 pounds over their
government prescribed weight, and any member of the Republican Party.

Smaller bonuses will be given for codgers who consume beef, soda, fried
foods, potato chips, lattes, whole milk, dairy products, bacon, Brussel
sprouts, or Girl Scout Cookies.

All codgers will be rendered totally useless via toxic injection. This
will insure that they are not secretly resold or their body parts harvested
to keep other codgers in repair.

Remember you heard it here first...


USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Outstanding post, Gecko!
Some would call this a parody but it's a parody with several kernels of truth.

Besides, based on the record of Obama thus far and his past speeches on Obamascare, which will soon be named after Ted Kennedy (Chappaquidicare?), this is by no means hyperbolic.

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Hi Gecko!

Here's my small (and dubious) contribution:

From the Czars of Kleptocracy comes a new idea! Because Cash For Clunkers was such a huge "success" (or at least somewhat popular among the math deficient) they now bring you: Cash For Codgers! Any codgers that actually retired (sorry, social security doesn't count) are worth double!

"Double what?" You might ask. Well, our economic czar is working out the details of that number as we speak (some silly thing about inflation) but I can say it will be well worth the effort.

So c'mon down, folks, and don't forget to bring your codgers. We have a huge inventory to move but due to demand and supply (WE demand, YOU supply...little progressive humor there, ha ha!), this program will also be a huge hit! Especially among the young progressives!
And don't worry about your codgers. They won't feel a thing. We got plenty of hopium (at cut rate cost) to make them comfortable as they free up big bucks for you hard working young folk.

And as an extra bonus think of all those nasty carbon footprints we will wipe out, making for a healthier and happier Mother Earth!
Cap and trade just took on a whole new meaning! Ha ha! Gotta love that progressive humor!
Not to mention some more of that redistribution of wealth everyone is clamoring for (after a small luxury fee, of course). Afterall, who needs estates when we got the State?

Note: If gramps and granny have firearms we recommend you FIRST call the "our codgers are too old to have firearms" hotline or go to AREYOURCODGERSTOOOLDTOHAVEFIREARMS?DOTGOV. Dot being an actual . of course, not to be confused with a period, our educational czar reminds me. Our dementia panel (headed by our new dementia czar) is standing by to take your call.

Do it for the kids. Remember what The Won says: "Yes we can!" Hope and change be upon him.

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Heh. Cash for Codgers parody song:

Cash For Codgers Song